UGHHHHHHHH all over today! From start to finish, I have had enough.
Today has just been a crap day, literally.
It started this morning when we walked into the garage to take Riley to school.. Sean noticed water on the garage floor. The hot water heater had failed and the device that lights the pilot and seal broke, so our water heater was spewing water, everywhere. Sean was able to shut it off and drain the heater and I was able to contact our home warranty people.. They had someone out within the hour. Awesome, right? No.. It's going to take days to order the part we need.. because of course, that water heater isn't popular anymore. Thank God for the amazing neighbors we have.. who by the way, have names. Casondra and Eric. They not only have been gracious enough to put up with my moody, bitchy self these last few weeks, cook us endless meals and listen to me cry.. but now they have offered up a bathroom for us to use for any length of time needed.
Let me get back to this day.. I picked the girls up from the bus and we headed to the mall for a few things I needed. Life was good, dandy even. We got home and they got ready for basketball try outs while Casondra took Cooper to play with B. My girls did AWESOME at try outs.. for never playing before, they were pro's. I took video and pictures and was that slightly, "GIVE ME A SMILE!" obnoxious mom.. As we were loading into the car after try outs, my left hand spasmed and I lost control for a second.. That second left my iPhone, face down in the James Woody Parking lot. Shattered. Thats ok! I pay for insurance for a reason, right?! I called, I was passed off to someone else.. I called someone else, they didn't have an answer, check online! Online, my deductible was 199. Eff that! I finally, called Apple directly and low and behold.. it's only 79.00! The kicker is that the store doesn't have an opening until Friday..
The Apple technician talked me into express shipping.. Cool. Only, I have to turn off "find my iPhone" before he can set this up. It get's better folks.. I can't turn it off from my phone because my screen is shot. So I login, from my computer and he walks me through turning off "find my iPhone" through the iCloud! YAYYYY! .. No, not yay. The "technician" had me wipe my phone clean.. which means I lost all those super proud mommy video's and photos and then we got disconnected when my phone rebooted itself for the "cleanse".
I finally spoke with a woman, who had a brain and she set me up with an instore appointment for Sunday.. because Sunday, as it turns out.. is the only opening Victoria Gardens has right now.
I walked over to Eric and Cosandra's to find that Cosandra had not only fed my children but showered them too and was getting them ready for Dessert. Yeah, I told you, they are awesome.
Cosandra walked me home and helped me get the kids situated.. she sat down to talk to me and I heard Charlie come in her dog door (which I had opened for her when we got back over here).. She walked right over to my large rug and pee'd on it! OBVIOUSLY I lost my cool.. because I really can't take anymore and she HAD JUST COME IN HER DOG DOOR! I locked her outside!
After the neighbor went back home, I let Charlie in and told her to go get in her kennel.. as I come walking into the room behind her, I find her squatting in my bed room, pooping on the floor. Not just normal dog logs though, it was of course, diarrhea. Because that isn't easy to clean up and the smell makes me want to vomit but its cool.. UGHHHHHH!!! MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!! .. I picked her up and held her over the tile and then I proceeded to step in it.
Poop is apparently the straw that breaks my back. I burst into tears and here I sit, sobbing into my blog because I seriously, whole heartedly do NOT have the time to be an alcoholic. Nor do I have the patience to continue on this path of yuck!
I miss my friend, I can't fix my broken kid, I feel a ton of pressure right now to do and say the right things for everyone else, to care about every one else's woe's and sadness.. when really, I truly wanna be super selfish and run away.
I'm tired of being told I am strong, I can do this, it's gonna get better.. it could be worse, count my blessings, just pray, think positive, just cry, just smile.. I JUST DON'T WANNA DO ANY OF THAT RIGHT NOW.
This moment, this one as I type, I wanna give the stupid dog away, I wanna cry until I have no tears left and I wanna take a hot bath in my bathroom that I pay a hefty mortgage for.
I wanna walk right up to wherever it is that Jason is and bring him right back down here for our son to have so that his tiny little voice doesn't break my heart anymore when he says, "I just want my daddy."
I want to spend more then one day a week with my husband because our schedules are so crappy and he's coming as I am going and vice versa.
Most of all, in this moment, I don't want my room to smell like dog shit.
I know my language has been less then desirable here and on Facebook today and for that I want to be sorry but I am not.
I have spent so much time apologizing for who I am lately that I am not sorry that I said fucking or shit.. because to put it mildly.. my life has been pretty much both of those words lately.
I have tried to laugh at almost every incident thrown my way but today I have no laugh left, only tears. I know tomorrow it will be a better day.. My phone can't get any more broken and the water can't be any less hot.. I am just, very much, in need of a break.