Saturday, March 12, 2016

Sometimes, It Isn't About Having An Opinion At All..

This week has been a tough one. This week has been exhausting and I am so glad this week is almost over.
This week, I have learned that being emotionally invested in someone is more work then I anticipated. This week, I learned some serious lessons.
 I learned that I can be a friend without an opinion. Though hard, I can stand by someone's side through the thick and thin. I can put judgment aside even when the world can't, I can still see the good in someone's heart. I have come to understand through my own poor choices that not one of us is perfect. This has been super fucking hard.
  The first part of my week I spent seriously questioning my judgment. My choice in people.. My, "WTF radar" was crazy on edge.
 I had to step back and assess my situation from an outside view. I had to remind myself that sometimes friendship's are hard and I had to tell myself over and over that I wouldn't want my people to turn their back on me in any time of need.
 What I have come to learn is that when someone makes a mistake and everyone wants to remind them, criticize them or snub them, sometimes, the one left standing beside them doesn't have to agree with them but can hold their hand without pointing a finger and shaming them.
 For a hot second, I worried what people might think of me, their opinion of how my support may jeopardize my moral compass.
 The lesson I learned is that though I do care what people think of me, I can't let that stand in the way of being present for my people. I have to trust that anyone who knows me, knows my heart and knows my worth as much as I know theirs.
 The first part of this week I almost went into "self preservation mode". You know the one, where you sever the limb instead of taking the time to fix it. I am really good at this mode. I can walk away and not look back, without skipping a beat! I'm super cold like that..
 However, my husband kept me on my path, he reminded me that there are points and purposes and that not everything is about ME.
 So, to the people I know and love.. all of you. You know me, you know I am going to call you on your bullshit. Thats why you chose me as a friend. Thats why as family, you still choose to talk to me. I am learning that I am not always going to like your choices, I will not always understand why you do the things you do.. but I love you, I will stand by you and I will do my best to put my judgments aside. I will always try to be the friend that I hope you will be for me when I make mistakes. I will be your friend and shoulder your burdens with you because thats what friends do.
 This week, I learned that even though being emotionally invested in someone is super, duper  fucking hard, being a friend is not.
 I don't blog this for a gold star or recognition.. I blog to remind others that sometimes putting your opinion's in your pockets and standing next to a person regardless of your own belief may be the difference that someone needs. You might not change the world but you may be a positive factor in an otherwise shitty situation.

Monday, March 7, 2016

No More Counting Days..

 Here we are, past our largest milestone, with no need to count down to anything anymore. Here we are, living our days the same as before.
 I want to say "Thank You" to all of our friends and family who came to our home to help us celebrate a monumental day for our family of six. Thank you to everyone who pitched in to make it great, who brought gifts when it wasn't necessary and those who showed up and showed support. We love you all.
 As most of you know, I have been attending a grief recovery group for the last five weeks. In this group we've touched on how the things we say, can impact a person.. even if we don't mean for it to and how some words of comfort, don't bring comfort at all.
 I bring this up because so many times before, during and after the adoption it was said to my husband what a "Real Man" he was for doing this for Riley (and sometimes, Me.)
 My husband (whom I lovingly refer to as my ginger) is SO many things but "MORE" or "REAL" of a "MAN" he is not, for the sole action of adopting a child that was always "ours."
 Sean is an amazing provider. He provides us with love, encouragement, strength, praise and his presence. He is also funny, smart, charismatic, loving but also, lovable. My husband is handsome.
 My husband has ALWAYS been a REAL MAN. (Crazy, right?)
 Let me back up for a minute though.. You see, the man I fell in love with was already great man. He was an amazing father to his two girls, he was a hard worker and a great friend. What was MORE was that he could be both of those things to Riley and me.
 From the start, Sean treated Riley as though he had always been a part of his life. He stepped in and changed dirty diapers, he spent countless hours awake at night so I could sleep, he cared for my child while I worked. In most cases.. he's a far more patient parent then I could ever be. He was a real man for me, from the very start. Sean has always been Riley's second Dad, so much so, that Riley doesn't remember a time when his "Seany" wasn't here.
  Now let me fast forward. For all of Jason's short comings he was a great father. Jason did not leave this world leaving Riley feeling like he was a burden or unwanted, that is for sure. So there was no metaphorical plate for Sean to step up to. Jason's absence was a series of events, yes.. but I do not think he purposely left his son. Riley will ALWAYS know how much BOTH of his daddy's have loved and do love him.
 So, for those that have said what a "real man Sean is to take on someone else's child".. though I am sure this is mostly generational and not meant to sound as absurd as it does.. It does not bid well as a compliment. In fact, it's almost demeaning to him and us. What was he before this life event? Has he been a "fake" man for the last five and a half years? What about the years before he "took on" my child? Do the seven he spent before us not count at all?
 I love my ginger, I love this family and I love the effort we have both given to each others children. I love that I can count on my ginger-bearded husband for any walk through our life. I can count on him to be a great dad, I can count on him to be an amazing husband and I know his heart has always been as loving as it is today.
 I love that we have blended our lives seamlessly and though it isn't always easy, he makes my life easier.
  I'm sure that this statement said to my husband over and over is mostly a response to not knowing the right words to say at all.
 So to my husband, I want to say.. I love you, I am thankful for you and I have always thought of you as a real man. I am lucky to know you, to be your wife and your side kick. I am a better person because you are mine and I am yours. Thank you for ALWAYS loving Riley and me, for allowing me to love whole heartedly our girls and for giving me Cooper, I am positive he is the universe's way of trying to teach me patience. Thank you for unifying our family because Riley asked you to. Thank you, for wanting to be his Daddy - no matter the title in front of it. Step Dad, Bonus dad, Seany dad or now, Daddy -here on Earth.. I love every part of who you are and why you are the person you are.
 (I made it a whole blog post without an obscene word, all for you, babe.)