Tuesday, March 15, 2022

Bye Bye Boobies!!

   If boobs make you uncomfortable, more specifically MY boobs, you may want to forgo this post.

 Here I am.. 11 days post op. and finally ready to share my experience. 

   People keep asking, especially my husband (for obvious reasons, he has to live with my crazy) if I am happy with my decision. Ya’ll.. happy is a complete understatement. 

   Nine years ago, post baby number two and a gross amount of weight loss (we’re talking, I was 120lbs..) I walked into my surgeons office and discussed a tummy tuck and breast augmentation. I had a spare tire on my front from 2 cesareans and pancake tits. My body was completely foreign to me and that was hard to deal with.  Fast forward to approx. 2 months ago, I put on an underwire bra and the next thing I knew I had 3 boobs. My left implant decided to go rogue and the pressure from my bra, literally pushed my implant into my armpit. I wasn’t in pain but it was definitely not comfortable. Sometimes she would slink back into her space, others I had to force her in there but regardless of where she ended her nights and started her days, she was becoming a real issue.

   My surgeon explained that because I am a side sleeper (my left side to be exact) my VERY heavy implant had escaped her designated pocket. Other factors played in, such as the excess weight I have put on and gravity. Though not painful, the only way to correct this is with surgery. Score!! I finally had a reason to reduce those beasts.

   Now, here is what I will share from my whole heart. Nine years ago I did not realize that being self conscious about my body would not be cured with any surgery.. in fact, in some ways, big boobs made my insecurities even worse. You’ll be shocked to know, I don’t like to draw attention to myself. I know, weird right? I’m covered in tattoos and definitely someone people notice. I don’t say that in a conceded tone either, I mean, I don’t blend in..

 My big boobs and my small frame quickly became comedic relief for my friends and family. So much so that if I was wearing something that accentuated them, I would often point it out in a self deprecating way so that no one else had to. Now, this is hard because pretty much anything outside of an oversized hoody or parka accentuated them but tank tops or body suits made me look like I’d topple over with a good breeze. 

  So back on track here. Recovering from a surgery of said caliber is no joke. I had a full breast revision. That came complete with a lift, reduction and new implant. My surgery started at 7 a.m. and I wasn’t out of recovery until just shy of 2 p.m. It was A LOT.  For the first 4 days all I did was sleep. It hurt to get up and walk, it hurt to use my arms, it just plain hurt. At my first post op. My Dr. asked if I wanted to see them, between the nausea from the pain meds and my questionable headspace, I declined. I knew I would have what’s called an “anchor incision” and I had totally agreed to that but in my mind I could only imagine that they would look like something out of a Texas Chainsaw remake and I just wasn’t ready. I knew without question I would be happy with a much smaller chest but I had been living in those boobs for nine solid years.  I’m on day 11, I have finally worked up the courage to gaze at my new body and my initial thought was not far off, move over leather face! They definitely are in their ugly duckling stage. You know what though? I walked by a mirror yesterday in a department store and caught a side profile view of myself and for the first time since my surgery, I lit up like a Christmas tree. I looked proportionate. I FELT proportionate. Watch out, self confidence is making a slow come back.

    In closing this most absurd blog post, I am truly happy with my results. I know they will only get better and the lack of back pain is something that can’t even be put into words. The day of surgery I was a DDD and came home a full C. That’s a big change!  I am beyond thankful for a husband who supports me, always. Sean and the boys are continuing to take care of me, they remind me daily to “not over do it” and I am getting better about asking for help. Side note, the first two days anytime I had to ask for help I would burst into tears. This had nothing to do with physical pain, I just don’t ever ask for help and felt like a real burden. 

   What makes me most excited is the ability enter a room at the same time as my tits and not seconds after. Big boobs are seriously over rated! Though I am a huge advocate for correcting your body in anyway you see fit, understanding that it wont “fix” your headspace is a different level. Making amends with this beautiful vessel that has grown two babies, carries more burdens than could ever be discussed and adorns art like a gallery, my plan moving forward is to heal from the inside and hopefully it will radiate on the outside. I need to mentally and physically appreciate this body. Working on loving ME is my 2022 goal. <3

   

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