Wednesday, February 20, 2013

..and the rug was pulled..

So, after a solid two and a 1/2 weeks of back and fourth with my lawyer.. last Tuesday we FINALLY signed all legal contracts and were ready to move forward into this surrogacy journey. Little did I know that would be tedious time wasted. Friday morning I woke to a call from the IVF clinic in CT letting me know I was no longer fit to continue on the journey.
 After I had Cooper I decided to get "fixed". The method I chose is fairly new and not as invasive as a tubal. They went in and placed two copper stints into my tubes and after a few months my body built up enough scar tissue to seal them up. Either way, a tiny amount of the stint still sticks down into my uterus. With that tiny bit of history into my medical history this is the reason the clinic felt I was no longer fit to carry on. Yes, I disclosed this information from the application process and to everyone else in between. The clinic even had a copy of the medical record from when the procedure was done.
 When I first received the news I was "ok" with it. Sad for the couple we were doing this for, as we had the chance to meet them and I was very excited to move forward with this. I looked at it as though it "wasn't meant to be."
 I really tried hard not to "stew" and to just accept that a lot has changed in the five months prior to getting this far and that maybe now my plate is full enough.
 Now I can say that I am just pissed. Maybe its part of the stages of "loss or grief".. but either way I am truly upset. I am upset that this rug was pulled out from under us, I am upset that the agency isn't holding true to their end of the bargain as far as my reimbursements go and I am upset that so much time was wasted (mine and theirs) for absolutely nothing.
 For whatever reason I really felt like I was meant for this. I was EXCITED! We were excited about the couple we had chose and who had chose us back! It just seemed like a great fit.
 I was told from the start I would not come out of pocket for ANYTHING. Prior to our trip to CT I expressed concern to all the right people that I did not have a contract in place. Basically, no protection or "gurantee" if you will. I was told, "you have nothing to worry about! All payments can be retro'd once your contracts are in place!"... well now I am left with a child care bill that no one wants to pay because someone else canceled this journey? Complete bullshit if you ask me. (Yes, I am working on getting someone, anyone to fix this.)
 Even more I am upset for the time wasted. I have spent MONTHS getting every form faxed, every e mail sent, every phone call returned promptly. For what? The clinic could have LOOKED at the records and decided not to carry on prior to wasting mine and Sean's time flying out there. They wasted the IP's time and money.
 So, for everyone wondering what has been going on since we traveled, what the next step is, ect. This is it. Over way faster then it started and now I will just have to blog about everyday life. LOL
 Thanks for the short following of this journey and I am glad I had the support from my friends and family. (: Love you guys.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Medical Screenings..

Whew! It's Monday already and last week FLEW by! Last Thursday we flew to Connecticut for our medical screenings. (By "we" I mean Sean and I.) That day was a whirl wind. We were up at 2:30 a.m. and out the door by 3:15, to the airport by 4:30 and in the air by 6:00 a.m. We had an hour layover in San Francisco, we swapped planes and then set off for 6.5 hours in the air to New York. We got into NY by 5:00 and were shuttled to our hotel by 6:30. (exhausted yet? Cause I am STILL recovering. lol) As soon as we got to the hotel our IP's (intended parents) were waiting for us! It was so awesome to meet them. (For now I am going to leave there names private, out of respect for them.) We headed across the street from our hotel to a Chinese restaurant. Can I just say that it has got to be a requirement that everyone in or around New York has to be rude? To say our service was bad is an understatement.  Anyway, not to focus on the little things.. We sat and chatted with our IP's for a good 2 and a 1/2 hours.. at least. It was so cool! It was like catching up with old friends. I didn't know what to expect to be honest but I expected to feel a little awkward at first? There was none of that. Afterwards we left and went back to the hotel. We waited in the lobby with our IP's until there cab came and then we went up to our room and crashed. That was the best nights sleep I have been blessed with in a LONG time! LOL. Friday was just as hectic as Thursday. We were up by 8:00 a.m., to breakfast by 8:45 and to the IVF clinic by 9:45. The clinic was very nice, the staff was awesome and our screenings only took about an hour and a 1/2 from start to finish. Blood drawn, consultations on the upcoming appointments and a brief class on injections. The last was my ultrasound to make sure this baby's "apartment" is that of functioning standards. (: 
 When we left the clinic we had roughly two hours to waste before we were shuttled back to the airport for our flight home. We decided to walk down the street from the hotel and check out some local shops. To say that I am a California girl is an understatement. 35 degree's is a lot colder then it looks on my iphone weather app!  We grabbed some lunch and then went back to the hotel to hang out in the lobby for a bit. Our shuttle picked us up at 2:00, we flew out at 5:00, we landed in San Francisco at 9:00 and we were home by midnight. Right? Like I said, still recovering.. (:
 Saturday and Sunday were just as hectic and busy! Saturday Sean and I both returned to work. Me from 10:00-5:00 and Sean from 11:00-7:30. After work the girls and I drove down to get Cooper from DeeDee (my aunt) in Palm Springs and then BACK up here and home by 10:30. Sunday was far from a day of rest but still fun none the less. (:
 So, to close, I'll say that though it was a LOT of travel, it was a great experience and I look forward to this journey with our IP's. (who seem just as excited!)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

A Journey to be had..

 So, here we are. Accepted into the surrogacy program and next week is when our Journey will be on its way! We have shared with everyone and though the news has been well received, I get a lot of this: "YOU'RE CRAZY!", "WHY?!", "WHAT DO YOUR KIDS THINK?" and my favorite, "you WANT to be pregnant again?".. Well, here is my response to all of those (and more!).
1. Though I am sure with some serious study I could possibly be diagnosed as "crazy", that has not been done yet. So, No, I am not crazy;p  I am excited and passionate about this journey and very much looking forward to what 2013 holds for us.
2. I have been passionate about this cause since a year after Riley's birth. It took me a long time to conceive Riley (by my own selfish standards) and the thought of not having kids weighed heavy on my heart during that time. It was about a year after Riley's birth that I started looking into egg donation and surrogacy. I realized early on that I would not be as comfortable with a "1/2 me" walking around and not knowing them.. so I quickly ruled out egg donation. About a month before Cooper's one year birthday, the thought came to me again and I started doing my research into gestational surrogacy.
3. My kids, believe it or not are.. excited! At first they had questions like, "so, we are giving away a brother or sister?" and "how is the baby not related to us if you're going to be pregnant?".. but with the explanation of science (woohoo! because I am SOO not ready for the "sex" talk.) we were able to make them understand the process. The way our 9 year old put it was, "This is kind of like when we give our clothes, shoes and toys to people who don't have as much as we do.." She was right in a lot of ways, we are blessing someone else with the "riches" of a child. I liked that she saw it this way because it really instilled that we ARE helping someone else.  Our 7 year old asked, "Ok, cool. So when you get "big and fat" can we paint your stomach like we did when you were pregnant with Cooper?" and Riley's only request was, "Please don't send me to live in a new home?!".. as you can see my younger kids didn't take to much of an interest but enough to semi understand. LOL, so, with promise that they will be kept up to date and in the loop, they are just as excited about this journey as we are.
4. Those of you who have seen me through my pregnancies, know that they aren't so bad. The thought of one more pregnancy does not scare me.. would I want to do it again for myself? Not at all. LOL, as much as I love ALL of my children, four is plenty. Knowing that I will get to help someone else have what I have makes being pregnant one last time completely worth it. (Yes, this will more then likely be a "one time thing".)
 The best part about this journey though, is that I have SO much support. It starts here at home. Just like so many of you guys, my husband as first thought I was crazy. He knew I had looked into it prior to "us" but I know he didn't give it as much thought as I have. When I approached him about it, we were at lunch and he looked at me like, "HUH?".. Obviously the more we talked and weighed the pro's and con's.. he began to see what I saw. We discussed the kids and how we thought they would handle it, my job and could I really work through another pregnancy? (To my clients who are following me, you are in luck because I do not plan to quit my job ANY time soon.) and could I physically "do" another pregnancy? After all of this my husband looked at me, laughed and said, "why not?".. I love this man. He supports all of my "crazy"!
 ALMOST all of my clients, co-workers and friends are also in support. This means so much to me because I DO spend SOO much time with you guys. (Rae, I promise, LAST pregnancy!) You guys have all seen me through so much as it is, I can't thank you enough for encouraging me to do this to.
 .. and last, my family! I know you guys all tell me you are so proud of me all the time.. and that this journey is no exception to what you already know and how you see me. Please know that I love you guys so much and that I appreciate all the help you guys offer with and for my kids. I am so incredibly blessed to have each and every one of you and I know you guys will be awesome through this.
 Which brings me to my closing.. I am not doing this for recognition or praise. (I hope ALL of you know that.) I am doing this because I love my kids so very much, I can not begin to describe how much the have changed the way I see life, love and the value of every day. To be able to share that gift with someone else makes my heart smile. I smile everyday because of my children, I laugh everyday because of my children and I live every moment FOR my children.  <3