Tonight, as I was having a nosey conversation about one of my girlfriend's life.. the subject of kids always being our number 1 came up.
I have lots of dreams and goals to move away from this desert. (Don't freak, it isn't now..) but the truth is, I would love to explore places outside of California. I'd love to one day sell our beautiful home and relocate, however, the reality of that is that we have two beautiful, funny, intelligent little girls who still willingly spend half of their time in our home. Some days when I hear about all the shit happening in our town, I dream of picking up and going and then our reality quickly brings me back and I find peace in our situation.
These little girls are not biologically mine but they hold so much of my heart, they are mine in many different ways. They are not an obligation but a serious blessing. They love us just as much as we love them and though I'd love to leave this town, I am not sad that staying here for them is our option because they are worth it all.
To watch Madison play with Cooper, to listen to Aubrey and Riley converse about common interests.. to see the four of them come together every other week as though no time at all has passed in the week they were with their mom makes every part of our world feel complete and worth the work we put in now.
To have real conversations with them, to talk about their lives, their interests and to see who they are becoming, is an amazing experience and I couldn't imagine experiencing these things from any other place then where we are, right now.
We aren't perfect, our situation is pretty unique but it works for us. The girls certainly aren't the only thing holding us here. My clients, our jobs and this amazing home we are constantly working on are also grounding factors but the girls are the peace that makes being here that much better.
To know how much the boys love their sisters, to know that they enjoy spending time with them on our off weeks with "Aunt Nette and Uncle Brandon" make my heart so happy.
I don't know exactly why the universe thought I needed four kids but I am so glad it did. I am also glad that my bonus kids are so amazing and make this "step parenting" job easier then I could have ever imagined. It isn't always sunshine and roses but its the best reality I could imagine for myself and as our four children are tucked in, sleeping and resting for school I am thankful they all love each other as much as they do, that they enjoy being here when they are and that the dynamics of our life are aligned and as ideal as possible. <3
Our life isn't for everyone, what works for us definitely doesn't work for everyone but the beauty of that statement is that we are us, perfectly imperfect. Functioning dysfunction. One large, crazy blended family that is ever evolving. As much as I would love to leave and try new things I would choose this life a million times over, I would choose Sean and the girls every time to be where I am, right now. I would go through all the good, bad and ugly to choose this life over any other, a thousand times. I joke and sometimes I am serious when I saw my kids are ass holes but at the end of every day We are the E<3 family of 6 and for that I am thankful.