Monday, May 4, 2015


I'd like to think that maybe today's debacle is just some higher power's way of keeping Riley and me distracted.
 Riley stayed the night with his Nana on Saturday, then she called me Sunday to let me know Riley had a high fever and wasn't feeling well, would it be ok to medicate. I ran my necessary errands because I knew he was in good hands and then picked him up. He had been over 103 but had dropped down to 102 by the time I got there.
 We came home, he played for a bit and by bed time he was down to 100.8. I medicated him again before bed and hoped that maybe he is just a little like me and with to much stress, a fever and sleep do me in.
 This AM he woke up at 102.5 ...I didn't freak out.. I even asked my Facebook mommies for some thoughts. We medicated and he even ran some errands with Sean while I had to go to my own Dr. apt for my hands. He came home and took a nap.. by 2:30 he was 103.7 and covered in  this weird, bizarre rash! Off to the ER we went..
 My monkey has bacterial strep throat/tonsillitis and scarlet fever. The craziest part is, he should be miserable but he isn't. He's just a little itchy.
 Were on antibiotics, tylenol, ibuprofen and a heavy dose of "stay in bed and don't share your cooties."
He is mad that I won't let him get up and play but we settled on a family movie on the sofa sleeper in the middle of the living room.
 Here is where it gets hard.
 Today, on my way to the ER I would have called Jason. Infact, two weeks and three days ago, when Riley had an infection in his bowel and we thought it was appendicitis.. I did just that. I called Jason.
 Today I would have text him because this would be the start of his week and we would probably work it out that Riley would stay with me until the rash cleared. Jason would have come by after work or met us at the ER.. because thats how we worked.
  Today I couldn't help but miss the ability to do that. To call him.. and just talk. That is the part that gets me every time.
 So far, Riley has been ok. Today, the nurse asked him if his daddy was at work and he very matter of fact replied, "my daddy is dead.".. I can only assume she asked because I was wearing my wedding ring. However, I could tell she was embarrassed and shocked.
 I had to have a gentle conversation with him that he doesn't "need" to tell everyone that his daddy is dead and maybe we can limit it to friends and family?
  I don't really know how to  properly approach that but maybe for all our sake.. not blurting it out all the time may help the healing.. and make others feel a little less "uncomfortable."
Either way, he just said, "ok".
 I feel like repeating things like, "I need a break".. or "I am tired" is getting old and bringing me more bad then good.
 My grandma text me earlier to tell me how strong I am.. I don't feel strong. I feel like a combination of things and strong is none of the adjectives I would use..
I feel like I can relate to the tin man from The Wizard of Oz, hollow inside with a broken heart, maybe a little cowardly like the lion, however I do have more brains then the scare crow.
 Today I will end the day by counting my blessings. I have four beautiful and other wise, healthy children. I have a husband who loves and adores me and my children and doesn't treat any one of them different then the next. I have amazing friends and family who are more then "there" for me and a clientele that always amazes me with their care for our well being and their constant ability to make me laugh.
 Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

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