Sunday, June 8, 2014

No Mo' Birthday Blues

It has been an interesting day, for sure. To much personal to share here.. but something else I want to write about.
 So, what normally would have started 4 days ago, is finally hitting me now! My birthday week. Every year, a week before my "special day" my mom would start the mornings off by singing to me. I think of all the things my mom didn't have follow through on, this was the one tradition that stuck. Even as I grew up and moved out. That obnoxious voice, first thing in the morning to sing that song to me and wish me a happy day.
 I miss her, a lot. Tonight after my movie was out I drove by our old house. I sat and stared for a minute and then decided I looked like a creeper and should leave before the cops were called.
 It's crazy to think that its been almost 7 years since she passed. What a lifetime ago, a whole 'nother life ago, for me.
 She has missed my kids being born, my bonus kids being acquired, a new marriage and now, soon a new house and my 29th.
 My mom swore she was going to be 29 forever. Even at 39.. she wasn't a day over 29 (: She would be 45 this year! Geez.. I know she is glad she passed before 40. lol
 Getting older isn't bothering me so much.. I am actually excited! Bring it on 30! Ok, Ok, bring it on 29. I won't rush it.
 I hope to make 29 a year of better health, eating habits and enjoying the small things.. before they are big things that I missed. I hope to get to know my kids even more and enjoy all the minutes I have with them.
 I promise to not have any more "birthday blues" and to enjoy this week, this month and the whole damn year.
 I also promise to love my mom and miss her but not to be sad I can't see her here or talk to her. I know she's here. I know she know's my kids and I know she's proud of me and this life(:
 Sometimes.. I just really, f*cking miss her.
-Kristi

1 comment:

  1. I love the wonderful strong woman you have become. I can only hope that one day I too am able to get through birthdays and holidays with less pain. I know eveyone grieves differently but the loss of a parent is really rough. I never thought it would hurt so much. It angers me when others tell me to get over it. It has gotten a tiny bit easier but it is always right there at the surface. Everywhere we go reminds me of my dad. I wish I was stronger but who am I kidding?! I am the most emotional person I know lol Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Makes me realize I am not alone.

    Holy hell 29?! No no no! You are still my 17/18 year old BFF that I drove hours upon hours to see multiple times! I hope you have an amazing birthday lady! I know we are not close like we once were but I will always cherish the bond we shared back then! HAPPY BIRTHDAY & I love you Blue <3

    ReplyDelete